Two Bulls at a Ball
by Pirate Thirteen
Summary: Submitting to the tumblr Dragon Age Inquisition #help me make it to release writing prompt. The prompt was Orlesian Ball Shenanigans, take thy pick of sillyness.


"Announcing The Inquistor, Lady Rhian Adaar and her companion The Iron Bull!"

There was a hush that fell upon the ballroom. Even the musicians paused. Standing at the top of the stair case stood the qunari couple, arm in arm, towering over the servant that had announced them. Though Iron Bull was dressed nicely in grey and red attire, all attention was focused on The Inquisitor. Rhian wore a blue & purple colored gown, her horns were decorated in sparkling silver jewelry, and her white hair managed to tower above her partner, adorned with silver ribbons and a hawk. Birds in the hair were far out of season, but when Rhian had heard Leliana's story about Lady Elise, Lady Rhian could not help herself. She waved her hand like a princess and smiled. This somehow seemed to ease the crowd. The musicians began again and the rumble of conversation filled the room. However the awkward staring did continue.

"This was a bad idea," Iron Bull grumbled as she led him down the stairs. Very slowly though. This was the first time in her life she ever wore heels and it had been embarrassing enough when she tried to find something in her size. In the end, Leliana discovered a shop that privately specialized in ball gowns and heels for large men. She had helped Rhian pick out everything.

"Think of it as a way of teaching the humans that not all qunari are barbaric, religious fanatics," Rhian said.

"It's not a religion…"Iron Bull said.

"I know that, but they do not. They probably don't even realize some of us go without the Qun."

"Perish the thought. And I don't understand how dressing like humans and behaving like them makes any difference in how we look to them. This fancy shirt thing is itching me raw," he rolled his shoulders and grimaced.

"You'll live."

"Why did I have to do this?"

"Because I said so."

"You just wanted to play dress up," Iron Bull eye'd another couple that sped past them to the bottom of the stairs, "How come I get the feeling the free food you promised is going the be a huge letdown?"

"Would you look at that pig!" she pointed across the room. There was a buffet table set up, packed with various meats, cheeses, salads, and a huge roasted swine with an apple in its mouth, "That looks absolutely fantastic."

"Hrm yes, good," he broke away from her arm once they had reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Mind your manners," she hissed after him.

"I don't know the meaning," he grinned back.

It was all really a big intentional distraction. Somewhere on the grounds, a few of their smaller companions were making their way to an unsuspecting Orleasian noble's room. Though Vivienne had insisted she played the part of the role in appearing at the ball in Rhian's place, and as she was probably better suited for it, partnered with either Dorian or Cullen. Neither of them seemed too keen and Rhian really did just want to dress up. She was personally, conveniently invited after all.

She began to cross the room over to a group of young women who side-eyed her and whispered amongst each other. Her head was held high, she was about to wow these high class girls with her grace, style, and charm, but she still moved slow. By the time she was halfway there, they had all quickly split into separate directions.

"How do they move so fast in these shoes and gowns?" Rhian asked herself.

"Good evening, Inquisitor!" Rhian turned to see a older, plump gentleman approach her. He had a mustache much like Dorian's, only larger and white. The hair on his head was white and curled on the sides, pulled back into a low pony tail. He smiled and bowed, "My name is Lord Victor Dimit." Well, he was better to talk to than quietly standing alone. At least he was kind, for the moment.

"Good evening ser," Rhian did a very awkward curtsy, there was no way in hell she was going to count to fourteen as Leliana and Vivienne had instructed. The weight of her hair was very different now, she felt it shift and stood straight back up. The hawk on top flapped his wings and screeched.

"Ah, lovely creature, what is its name?"

"Her name is Gawen. My family trained hawks for hunting, Gawen isn't mine but I would very much like to keep her. She is just gorgeous." Rhian looked up with her eyes only, as though she could see the bird.

"What is she sitting on up there?" Dimit asked.

"I have a post in my hair with a bar on the top for her to grip on..."

"You really should try this pig," Iron Bull came up on her left and held out a pig thigh to her by the leg. In his other hand he held a cheese wheel that he had already taken a bite out of.

"Oh yes, but I need to pace myself when I eat," Iron Bull shook his head and rolled his eyes while she spoke, "this corset has all my guts smashed in and Leliana said I can make myself sick if I eat too much all at once," she leaned in to take a bite of the thigh. After a few chews, she hummed in approval.

Dimit spoke up, "Lady Le Foll's chefs have to be the best in Orlais. Well, next to the Empress's chefs of course. I've been trying to find out what type of spices they use on their roasted swine for ages and they just will not give up their secrets."

"Hey where'd your bird go?" pieces of meat spittle shot out of Iron Bulls mouth, but that was the least of Rhian concerns. A woman shrieked along with the hawk. Rhian tried to spin around, only to topple over into Iron Bull. He pushed her back up right, "You got your hair in my meat," he growled.

"Gawen!" Rhian shouted. She whistled and held her arm bent up in the air. Underneath the loose sleeve of the gown, she had slipped a leather arm brace. The hawk landed on her arm, with a white wig between its claws, "You are not as well trained as those hunters had promised."

"My life is ruined!" A thick accented woman quickly ran up, her hands pressed onto her bald head and her face drenched in makeup, streaked tears.

"I am so sorry madam," Rhian pulled the wig out of Gawen's claws.

"You filthy creature! Filthy, stupid, ugly creature!" the woman snatched the wig away from Rhian's hands. She stood their stunned by the insult. Twelve hours of her life spent on her appearance in preparation for this ball. Make up, hair, jewelry. All of it for naught, the humans still declared her unattractive. Her neck started to hurt, her feet began to throb, the gorgeous gown became heavy, and her eyebrows stung a little from being waxed and plucked into shape.

"Hey! Baldy! She said she was sorry!" Iron Bull shouted.

"It's alright Iron Bull," Rhian warned out of the corner of her mouth.

"Never in my life! Never in my life!" the woman turned and stormed away, her wailing echoed the ballroom walls.

"I am so sorry, again! Sorry!" Rhian shouted after her. The ballroom had fallen silent again and after another beat, the musicians began to play again. The crowd went back to their conversation rumble. Dimit had quietly disappeared into that crowd, leaving Rhian alone with Iron Bull in a large empty circle on the floor. She quietly stroked the birds head, "I forgot to feed you, didn't I. All that preparation and I forgot to feed you. Iron Bull, can you hand me a piece of meat please."

"I warned you. I told you this was a bad idea," Iron Bull ripped a piece off and handed it to her.

"Yes you did, several times," she nodded as she fed Gawen. The bird quickly gobbled the meat up and she held her hand out to Iron Bull again for another piece.

"You know, don't take what she said to heart. She just said it out of anger. You know the whole gang thought you looked beautiful. I bet half the women in this place are jealous out of their minds."

"I'd like to think so, but that would be foolish. You were right about nothing changing with how they view us."

"I... I thought you looked ridiculous, but...very beautiful," he handed her another chunk of meat.

"Thank you," she flashed a quick, false smile when she took the meat from his hand.

"Do you want to dance?" Iron Bull asked, "I've never done the fancy ballroom stuff before, but it just looks like they spin around in circles."

Rhian actually smiled this time, "Yes, I'd like that very much. I was invited here, I came to enjoy myself and I'm going to whether the humans like it or not."

"That's the right thinking! Okay...just we'll dance after I finish eating. Alright," Iron Bull took a big bight out of the pig's thigh. Then he winced, put the cheese wheel under his armpit and pulled a white hair out of his mouth.

"Of course, just save some for me and Gawen," Rhian grinned.


End file.
